Thursday, February 16, 2045

Updated: Welcome

Hello everyone. My name is Sigrid, and I have end-stage emphysema. Or, in other words, I am dying.

I am writing this blog to  tell the world (or at least those parts that care to read!) about my experiences and those of my family, with Bob Malm and Grace Episcopal church in Alexandria VA. Over the past several years, Malm has repeatedly tried to bully me and my family, and he continues to do so, even as I am dying. This includes an almost two-year campaign of shunning, in which he directed church staff to ostracize family members, and recent efforts to file bogus police charges against us.

So, if you want the sordid details, read on.

My hope too is that, after I am gone, this blog will remind others of a very simple truth: Grace Episcopal Church (aka “Disgrace Church”) is a toxic church. Bullying is okay. Shunning is okay. There is nothing even remotely Christian about the place.

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A well-known Episcopal author and canon to the ordinary once wrote, "As Christians, we are called to bring light to the darkness and expose wrongdoing." Although most of the authors of this blog are not Christians, we believe that statement to be true, regardless of our religious beliefs or lack thereof.

This blog therefore shares details of rector Bob Malm's two-year campaign of shunning against two of our family members. We also share details of misconduct within the parish arising both directly and indirectly from Bob Malm's actions, including:
  • Altar guild members engaging in group bullying (professionals call this "mobbing").
  • Clergy engaging in shunning, bullying, and character assassination. 
  • Former parish officers trying to discredit critics by lying, sharing confidential information, and engaging in ad hominem attacks. One parishioner has even suggested that a family member of ours, "Go kill yourself," while another (we believe the former person's mother) shared confidential giving information about our family in an effort to discredit us. 
We believe that clergy and other church leaders ultimately are responsible for church culture. By enlisting the aid of parishioners in this conflict, and through his example, Bob Malm has created a toxic situation in which it is okay to bully and hurt people.

We are committed to sharing our experiences publicly, with the goal of encouraging Grace Church and its members to change their ways. We hope, too, that the vestry and members of the parish will hold Bob Malm accountable for his actions as rector.

If these things do not occur, Grace Church eventually will cease to exist. No one wants to or will join a voluntary organization like a church if they must fear having their confidential information shared; or being bullied, abused, or shunned; or where lay "leaders" think it's okay to lie about other parishioners; or to encourage them to commit suicide. This situation is particularly dangerous for teens, many of whom will at some point struggle with suicidal ideation. Further, parents with children who are different in any way should be very careful: Do you really want your family members part of a church where it is okay to urge people to kill themselves? Or where church members threaten the employment of other people, as one parishioner did to a family member?

The authors of this blog believe that all persons are entitled to be treated with dignity and respect. That doesn't change because you disagree with that person, you don't like him or her, you think they should join a church elsewhere, or you think they have been mean to a friend of yours. Lying about people, shunning people, and suggesting that people go kill themselves is wrong--wrong in every way. It is shameful, disgraceful conduct, and should have no place in any house of worship. In short, Grace Church is a toxic church, and there is no excuse that changes that. 

So what next? Over the coming weeks, we plan to publish documentation of specific incidents of bullying and clergy misconduct. Stay tuned.

One final note: This site is not an official site of Grace Episcopal Church, nor the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia, nor the Episcopal Church. 

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Proof: Bob Malm Instructed Lay "Leaders" to Join His Campaign of Shunning

Here is a copy of the email in which Mike Jones, the lay person in charge of the church’s lay eucharistic ministers, confirms that Bob Malm insitructed him to assist in the latter’s campaign of shunning, harassment, and retaliation,



Ads Reach More Than 122,000 People

Great traffic so far from our President’s Day ad buy, with Twitter alone reaching more than 122,000 people. Check it out!




Protests continue tomorrow, including the usual location at Quaker Lane and King Street, as well as outside an Episcopal church in Alexandria.

Stay tuned.

Friday, February 16, 2018

Nationwide Ads Running All Weekend

Your fave B’s are running nationwide ads today through Sunday, with a goal of reaching more than 100,000 people before the weekend is over. Stay tuned for screen caps of the results!

Applying Bob Malm’s Illogic to the Grace Church Website

As readers may know, when it comes to reviewing this blog, Bob Malm takes the approach that if a word appears on your website, and that word could somehow constitute a threat or something negative, then that is the meaning that should be inferred. With that in mind, we tried the same approach with the Disgrace church website.

Interestingly, the phrase “white supremacist” appears on gracealex.org four times. References to killing and other violence appear on gracealex.org more than 100 times.

Try it and see for yourself.

So, using Bob Malm’s approach, Disgrace church is a threat to security. After all, various threatening words appear on the church’s website, and we are afraid. Very afraid.

Of course, this isn’t a case of having a limited education. In Bob’s case, we think it’s a matter of deliberate and willful misrepresentation.

So much for clergy ethics.

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Looking Back

Last August, as we we transitioning from our old blog site to this one, we made several remarks that, in retrospect, were remarkably prescient. Here’s what we had to say:

Lastly, we are aware that Bob Malm sooner or later will visit this site. With that in mind, we have this to say to Bob Malm: 
We are not now, nor ever will be, part to any reconciliation with you. You may be able to lie, bluster, and bully your way out of accountability with others, but we refuse to take part in your games. Nor do we care that we are, "hurting your ministry." Any "ministry" in which your conduct is acceptable is a fool's paradise and not worth having.
*We acknowledge with gratitude the efforts of Bishop Shannon and other diocesan officials in attempting to resolve this conflict, but believe that Bob Malm has walked away with next to no accountability for his despicable actions. We further believe that, were he able to do so and get away with it, Bob Malm would readily again engage in conduct of the sort described in this blog.

Today, in light of Bob Malm’s efforts to pick words out of context from this blog, and claim that he somehow is threatened, we see how true these words were.  Bob continues to deny, to accuse others, to make statements of questionable veracity, and to show that he is a priest in name only. He does so with no consideration for the effect that his actions have on the parish, its reputation, or the wellbeing of his parishioners. It’s all about Bob and his personal vendetta, and the fact that more than two years later he still is trying to cause problems for a dying woman and her family shows that he is morally bankrupt. He is a role model for how Christians should not respond to conflict.

Or, as a friend of ours who is clergy asked, “Where is Jesus in all of this?” The answer is that Jesus has nothing to do with Bob’s actions.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

More than 23,000 People Saw Last Night’s Twitter Media Buy

Last night we had multiple ads running, including one on Twitter promoting awareness of The Wartburg Watch publisher Dee Parson’s letter on our behalf, which challenges Bob Malm’s assertion that he has somehow been threatened by us.

Here is a screen cap of results for the metro DC area:



Monday, February 12, 2018

More Outrageous Claims By Bob Malm

According to well-placed sources, over the weekend Bob and Leslie Malm were both in touch with at least one family friend. As part of that conversation, Bob claimed I don’t exist.

That’s pretty interesting, coming from someone who 1) Has received email directly from me, and 2) Was previously subject of a disciplinary complaint that I filed with the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia.

Maybe Bob should get in touch with the Diocese of Virginia before he goes making assertions of fact that simply aren’t true.

Nationwide Ads Go Live

With advertising in the metro DC area generating strong results, we’ve decided to take The Hive nationwide. As a result, ads are now running across the US, including Alaska and Hawaii. At the same time, we are upping our daily spend in Northern VA to almost $100 a day.

Meanwhile, we are told that last Friday night with the Killer B’s in Richmond was a hoot. Lots of jokes about Bob Malm, the name of the band, and what Bob would conclude if the B 52’s roll through town, LOL. There’s even a drink now named after him 🤣


Thursday, February 8, 2018

Taking Things Out of Context

How many times have you said, “I’m going to kill that little so-and-so?” Or, “I am gonna wring his scrawny neck?” If you have had kids, lots of times. Of course, no one takes these things seriously.

In Bob Malm’s case, he has taken even more innocuous things, like our long-time nicknames, and tried to claim that these are threats that create a reasonable threat of imminent harm. At the same time, he has bolstered his efforts by going around, playing shuttle diplomacy, and claiming that he is scared, thus encouraging others to think the same. In this, Bob is both facially dishonest and disingenuous, for he usually tilts towards magical thinking in the other direction. Like thinking he is invincible.

In so doing, Bob also trades on his role as a priest, at least in name. He recognizes that people instinctively believe clergy, and that our legal system is  protective of clergy who claim to fear for their safety, even when such fears are clearly nonsensical and fictitious,

Our belief? Of all Bob’s various forms of malfeasance, misfeasance and nonfeasance, this is the worst. Bob’s actions reflect badly on him, the vestry, the church and the diocese. People in bars throughout Virginia are laughing their backsides off; at best, Bob looks like a clueless old guy who is irrelevant. At worst, Bob looks like what he is—a vile, vicious, vindictive and dishonest person who is a priest in name only.

Plus, Bob’s efforts to make a dying woman’s blog look somehow threatening only make things worse. Still worse is his deliberate conflation of comments critical of his conduct with criminal or threatening behavior.

We also believe that folks at Disgrace church are smart enough to know when they are being played, and smart enough to know a bogus “threat” when they see it. Folks, in case no one else has said it to you, let us be the first: Bob Malm is abusing your trust.

Bob Malm surely is a lowlife scumbag.